Updated: Oct 25, 2022
Do you ever ask yourself "whose life am I living?". We tend to just go through life doing what we believe is necessary and 'just part of life', however, what if it is not? If you sat down and really evaluated your life, would you be in line with your inner calling?
I have always had this desire to live my life unapologetically. One that is mainly driven from the inside and not from outside circumstances and opinions.
The question is, what does that even mean?
Living in a space of being unapologetically yourself does not mean you become arrogant and selfish.
It means being ok with allowing the world to see that you and your life are not perfect.
People's perception of us are often times one of "having it all together" even when we feel that everything is a mess. This causes us to feel like frauds, like we have to maintain this outside image which we feel does not match the way our lives really are.
It becomes an exhausting task to keep up this front as we attach all our value on what others perceive us to be. This is unsustainable and over time can be very damaging.
Here is the thing, we obviously aren't going to lay bare each and every aspect of our lives and open ourselves up to everyone who is not necessarily capable of holding what we share in love and respect, however being authentic in the way you live your life simply means being what you are with your focus on your own path and the next step in your life without being mentally influenced by what you THINK others will say about your decisions.
It is about allowing yourself to gracefully stumble or float through life depending on where you are. It is the courage to be authentic without being obnoxious and unsensitive toward the feelings and circumstances of those around you.
It does not even mean knowing exactly who you are, but it is rather the willingness to be ok with being on the road and not already at the destination. It is being ok with others seeing you make your way through an unexplored path only looking up and around every now and again to see if you are still moving in the right direction. It is the courage to show up as you are in this moment, on this journey.
“It is the courage to show up as you are in this moment, on this journey.”
Why do we do this?
When we look at why it so important to us to be accepted by those around us, we can take it all the way back to our tribal beginnings.
When we lived in small communities it was vital for us to be accepted and liked since our very survival depended on it. When that saber tooth lion came storming the village, you wanted to be behind the line of defense and not pushed forward as bait. When the hunters went hunting and the gatherers went gathering, you needed to be part of the community to be allowed to share in the feast. That all makes sense and part of us today is still driven by that incentive.
Things have changed significantly though (thank goodness for supermarkets!). Of course acceptance and feeling part of something is still a deep part of us and one we should honor, yet it does not mean we have to do exactly what those around us do anymore. We have the choice to live our lives independently and in line with what our inner voice tells us.
Because it was such an intrinsic part of us to 'fit in' we often still live from that instinctual drive never taking a moment to sit down and evaluate how and why we are doing what we are doing. Are we doing it to keep up with the Jones's? Are we doing it because we think our family and friends expect it from us?
Moving into this space of awareness can be a bit scary and lonely, most probably because it's the first time you have ever sat with yourself alone "face to face". But once you start unpacking and actively move onto your path, you will find that is where true well-being lies - even in the difficult times.
A few things to consider and help you get started
Is what you think others expect from you really true? Or are you projecting your thoughts on them and believing them as the truth?
When you make a decision, which voice comes up in your head? Your own, or that of someone else?
Do you fell anxious in your day-to-day life with what you are doing (e.g your job, goals, relationships, friends, environment)?
If you were to be completely alone on this planet or living in a bubble where no-one could see you, how would you and your life be different? (technicalities of how that would happen aside hehe...)
If you imagine yourself as being completely at peace, how would you describe that person and what would they be doing?
We all have different ways and methods of attaining clarity, I encourage you to find your own, but here a few suggestions:
Silent meditation - you can start with a breath exercise such as this one for 5min and then just sit in silence for 10 - 20min to just see what comes up.
Writing - give yourself the afternoon off without any disturbances and in a quiet place and just start writing...it does not have to have a topic or make sense, just write and see what pops up.
Mind maps - you can use this for a specific area in your life that you want to work on.
Teaming up with a life coach.
Theses are just suggestions, again find what resonates with you!
I would love to hear your thought, comments and strategies!
Until next time dear one!